The cost of chasing approval

Let’s be real.

At some point, we all want a pat on the back. A sign that what we’re doing is being noticed. But getting addicted to these validations comes at a cost. A cost that you might not notice until it starts eating away at your true potential. Many people struggle with deep emptiness despite the success they’ve achieved.

In today’s newsletter, we’ll explore how the crave for approval can quietly sabotage your success.

🗯️ From Applause to Alignment

15 years ago, it’s safe to say that I was obsessed with external approval. I climbed the corporate ladder and made my way to the largest hedge fund in the world. At first, everything seemed great. I was getting the attention, the appraisal, the validation, and admiration. I was happy, or so I thought. But over time, I started to feel lost.

I was smiling on the outside and enjoying the pats on my back, but inside, I felt a gnawing emptiness. I felt sad, stuck, lonely, and deeply unsatisfied. Then I realized I was never truly happy. And this unhappiness had been there the whole time. It was just being ignored and overshadowed by external admiration.

Until the smoke grew into fire. Too great to be ignored. One may ask why? I had risen to a commendable level of success. Why the burning feeling of dissatisfaction? Because I lost sense of what truly mattered to me. I was saying yes to lots of things that didn’t really align. I prioritized “What would they say?” over “What do I want?” Until I lost myself.

Then one day I made the hard decision to go discover my own path, and stay true to it. And I’ve never felt this happy, successful, and fulfilled.

🧠 The Grave Cost

How often are your decisions influenced by the need to be appreciated? For many high performers, the answer is “more often than I’d like to admit.” So much of your drive is tied to being liked, recognized, or validated by someone else. And that’s where you lose your way. You start making decisions for others instead of yourself. It builds gradually.

Maybe taking on a project because it’ll impress your investors. Or saying yes to something because it’ll make you look good in front of clients. Over time, this becomes a pattern. You become reactive — a people-pleaser. One that pulls you further away from your own vision, and your own values. The more you chase approval, the more you compromise. You start to lose your standards. And it quietly rips you off your inner satisfaction.

Losing the very thing that made you unique in the first place. You lose control of yourself and what truly matters. Your business starts to suffer even when you can’t see it. Because your choices no longer align with your long-term strategy. Leading to misaligned projects, overstretched resources, and even a diluted identity.

You start to feel constant burnout, overwhelm and behind. Like you’re not living up to your potential.
Then you wake up one day feeling a deep sense of emptiness, lack of direction and purpose.

❤️ The Anti-Validation Scorecard

Imagine how different your decisions would be if they were driven by you.

Your gifts.
Your values.
Your goals.
Free from the influence of others.

Instead of worrying about what others think, what will your values make you do instead? You didn’t become successful by following the crowd. You got here by believing in your vision. And the values that fueled it.

When you align with what’s important to you, not only do you feel more fulfilled, your decisions become clearer, more confident, and more effective. When you stop caring about approval, you free up the energy to focus on what really matters—building a life and business that excites you.

Not one that impresses others.

🤲 Self > Others

I’ve been a victim of this negative pattern. But I realized you can only bring out the best in you when you let go of external expectations. Only then can you truly show the world your uniqueness.

Here are 4 ways I silenced that burning crave to be validated:

1. Define your values: Get clear on what you stand for. What makes you happy? What do people do that makes you mad? What can you spend your life studying? What keeps you up at night? These are cues to your values. Note them and refer to them before making decisions. When your choices align with your core values, external opinions will matter less.

2. Set personal metrics for success: Instead of measuring success by how others react, set your own benchmarks. Instead of “Will they like this?” Ask yourself, “Will I be proud of this decision in a decade?”.

3. Learn to say no: Not everything needs your attention, and not every opportunity is for you. Saying no to what doesn’t align with your purpose is a powerful act of self-respect. Say no, no one’s gonna die.

4. Audit yourself: Check in with yourself regularly. Are you making decisions based on what feels right, or are you being swayed by others’ opinions? Be sure to course-correct if you’re slipping away into chasing validation.

The more you practice these, the easier it becomes. And once you’re free from the trap of seeking approval, you’ll experience a deeper sense of purpose, happiness and autonomy.

🎯 Who’s Approval Do You Seek?

As leaders, parents, business owners, CEOs, stakeholders, or investors you want to lead with conviction, clarity, and purpose. But self-trust is the foundation of a successful life.

The only approval that truly matters is your own.

P.S: Struggling with the feeling of self-doubt, uncertainty, or stagnation? I know exactly how you feel and I know how to overcome it. Reply to this email and I’ll be happy to help you put these pain behind you.